my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
