Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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