you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
