Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My liver just had a heart attack.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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