just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
