i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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