the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
