jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
