why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
