"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I CAN MOONWALK!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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