I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
