Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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