Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
