I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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