I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
