That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
