This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
