I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
