You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.