My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I chose taco bell over sex...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.