oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...