Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.