why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.