You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching