Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Randomize
Follow @tfln