I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
