seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize