i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
