I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
