Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
