I need help removing her.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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