I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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