so let's talk penis.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
