I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
