12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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