you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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