I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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