Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
