Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The beer is more important than you right now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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