they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
