Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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