I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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