That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
