Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
