I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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