You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
