the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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