Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
