uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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