Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
