yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
