I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
