What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
there is glitter all over my balls
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