No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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