My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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