All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
