he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
