It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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