Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
