Sponge bath it is.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
