i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
