The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
