he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So squirting runs in the family.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
