Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
