You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
