Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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