What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
