I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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