i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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