worst night to have a conscience
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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