I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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