I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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