I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
