and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
