Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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