I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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