I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
